Giving Up Before It's Begun and Understanding How You've Won

How many times have you wondered why a situation crashed and burned before it even took off?  Recently, a friend of mine was discussing how frustrating dating can be; especially when a guy takes your number and then doesn't call.  Why did he take my number in the first place?  Why didn't he want to give a thought or chance to a second meeting?  Did I do something wrong at the end?  While we can torture ourselves with these questions- which will probably never be answered- there's a bigger picture to be seen. This situation did not work out favorably because of xyz factors.  If such problems exist, would you have wanted to be a part of a dysfunctional situation?  Chances are your answer is no.  So if someone took your number just to be polite, or for the purposes of power, or maybe because he wants to put you in his rotation of ladies (which is large explaining the lack of calling) then it is a GREAT thing that you didn't have to waste any more of your time with this person.  The same applies to most situations where you feel that you've been let down in some way.  If you interview with a company, and the HR rep says that they will call you and they do not, well then you've avoided working at a company that didn't feel you were a proper match.  What does this mean?  You avoided the prospect of working somewhere that doesn't reflect a culture you would thrive in.  You avoided the job misery that so many people are plagued by.  There is something better out there and you've been lucky enough not to waste your time doing otherwise.  Though we often find ourselves initially disappointed by potentially positive situations- we all wind up on the winning side in some facet.  Sometimes the positive attached to the disappointment is not immediately seen, but trust that it is there.  Want what wants you; reject what does not.  Everything happens for a reason!

An Oldie But A Goodie!

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2002-08-04-lifecoach_x.htm

A Tribute to a Postivb Favorite- M. Schneider

Today is the birthday of one of my amazing friends- Melissa Schneider.  I haven't yet written a blog dedicated to someone in my life but why not start now- and what a fabulous start with Melissa.  We were speaking just yesterday when she mentioned that she had been reading my blog and wanted to know when the next post was coming.   The joy I felt when she said that was just overwhelming.  It meant so much that she takes time from her schedule to follow my activity- I know she really cares and it's really touching.  The compliment she gave me by mentioning her avid following my writing just made my day so much better.  She contributes to the positive energy in my life that keeps me who I am.  Not only is she a concerned friend, she is also generous, hysterically funny, ridiculously fun, resourceful, brilliant, stylish (although not an internal part of her, something that must be mentioned) and just such a real and down to earth person.  She exemplifies the type of friend you want to have in your life.  I strongly suggest that if you don't have a Melissa in your life- go find one IMMEDIATELY.  Happy Birthday Melissa! You only deserve the best that life has to offer! xo

It's How You Say It

It has been absolutely FREEZING in New York this week- I mean painfully cold.  Yesterday while walking to get my lunch I was so taken by the cold that I started repeating in my head Oh My G-d it's so cold...over and over and over again.  I continued to feel colder and colder.  Later on I went back outside, and for whatever reason I didn't feel the bite in the air and said to myself wow it's so much warmer outside.  I didn't secure my scarf or put my hood up- it honestly felt about 10 degrees warmer to me.  Last night when getting out of my car and walking toward my destination I remember thinking here I go back into the tundra, and what followed was that feeling of severe cold.  However, later on when I went back outside- when it would logically be colder I said to myself "hm not feeling so bad anymore" and then what followed was a normal walk to the car and not a dart as I had done just a few hours ago.  It got me thinking about the effect the words I was telling myself had on my perception of the weather.  I remember checking the thermometer in the car only to see that there was a variation of 1-2 degrees up and down within these time periods.  Certainly those degrees do not create great enough of a difference to feel more or less cold.  I decided that I had influenced my feelings on the weather with the words I said.  I was discussing this with my mom and she brought up a similar example.  She said that when my sisters and I were babies learning to walk, if we fell and she reacted with shrieks of nervousness we would automatically cry harder.  However, if we fell and she came to us with a smile we would barely cry.  The book As a Man Thinketh  discusses the idea that the direction of our thoughts influences how we feel and behave.  Certainly actually expressing ideas- by speaking them as I did in my example- has a similar impact.  So with this in mind we can essentially talk ourselves into feeling a certain way about something, both in a positive or negative direction.  We all encounter disappointing situations, if we say to ourselves, this did not work out in my favor but I still have "x" good thing going right now.  Or I didn't get the results I was hoping for with this project but now I know what changes to make which will yield a better outcome...then essentially we are putting our minds in a positive place.  When you play the poor me fiddle, a sad you emerges.  Take control of your positivity... and speak or think in that direction.  You'll be pleasantly surprised at the results.  Feeling great beats feeling awful- a both captain obvious but captain true statement.  Go for the former. 

I Don't Need Super-sized McDonalds, or Miracles for that Matter

Happy Hanukkah to all my Jewish readers!  I'm also Jewish, and this holiday has inspired my post for today.  Just a few days ago, I was having a conversation with someone who was having a bad week.  In the spirit of Hanukkah I said maybe you'll get a Hannukah miracle before the week is done.  This person then said that this problem wasn't big enough to require a miracle to fix it.  So he associates miracles with tremendously big occurrences; but isn't Hanukkah the celebration of a small miracle happening?  A candle burned for 8 nights.  So while the actual event was not something major, the impact from this occurrence was indeed TREMENDOUS.  Many of us probably feel that we haven't had a miracle in our lives, but the reality of the situation is that we have had miracles occur.  Think about what components of your life bring you joy.  My friend's bring so much positivity to my life.  Most of those closest to me I met in college.  I originally had a lot of reservations about attending Hofstra.  It turned out to be one of the greatest decisions I ever made.  If I had not chosen that school, then I probably wouldn't have had made some of my best friends.  My life may not have been the same, and as scary as it is to think about that, it is also a MIRACLE that I chose Hofstra.  Is there a correlation between choice and miracles? Why not?  Isn't it a miracle in this instance that my mind swayed in the favor of Hofstra? YES.   Another example of a miracle in my life is my family.  I have the most incredible parents and sisters.  I am not trying to brag, I am recognizing how lucky I am to be surrounded by these people.  I was given an amazing family and it is a huge miracle.  So I've just named two facets of my life that I call miracles.  Did an ocean part for me? No.  The miracle doesn't have to be huge to be a miracle.  It is simply something makes your life better which you can deem to be miracle status.  Now consider everything in your life that qualifies as a miracle, the results should happily surprise you.      

Procrastination's best friend- Accountability

"I'll do it tomorrow."  "I'll start in an hour."  "Just 5 more minutes."  You've all probably found yourselves saying phrases like this throughout life.  Procrastination is rooted deeply in all of them.  Most teachers or bosses try to instill that procrastination is bad for us.  I disagree.  I think it depends on how you operate under pressure.  Over the years I've found that anything I turned out, when produced in a minimally pressured situation was not always my best work.  I thrive under pressure.  If there's a deadline to be met, I never question if I will actually get X done; it will be done, and done well with the added stress from time constraints.  I suppose I'm lucky in this way.  I know several other people who also benefit from pressurized situations.  However, I also know other people who shut down or freak out when pressure exists.  Clearly procrastinating is the enemy for this group and should be avoided.  But back to my fellow pro- procrastination people, yes we're lucky enough to be able to take that extra 15 minute break but still get the job done, but there are specific conditions when procrastination is bad for us as well.  Think back to school when the paper was due at 8 AM, it was 1 AM that morning and you had nothing more than an intro paragraph on your computer screen.  So you grabbed some Redbull and Skittles (I've never been able to look at skittles the same after one all nighter) and you chugged out a work of art by 8 AM that morning.  Victory!  You beat the odds and everyone who doubted a 15 page paper could be produced in that amount of time.  You raced the clock and won.  Let's change the scenario a bit: You had a 15 page paper to write, and no deadline at all.  Maybe you had given yourself a deadline of 2 weeks to write it, but you were the only person who you had to answer to in this matter.
Me: Gosh I've just been really busy these past two weeks, I can't meet this two week deadline.
Me: Okay, no problem.  As much time as you need.
There's no race against the clock here.  There's no pressure on your back for completion.  There's no stress motivating you to push forward under the gun.  Procrastination wins here- not you.  What am I getting at?  The key ingredient to being an effective procrastinator is having some type of accountability. Unless you are really afraid of yourself, making you the voice to answer to simply does not work.  I know that I was only able to make strides toward changing my career when I began working with a life coach.  I had tried to motivate myself on my own, and as rah rah as I am, I simply could not produce results.  But, when I had someone to answer to, someone setting deadlines and goals for me, it was a whole different ball game.  I HAD TO GET THINGS DONE.  tI was honestly too embarrassed to present a sub-par excuse about not completing different tasks.  So what if my motivation wasn't self driven?  I achieved what needed to be done because accountability was in the picture.  So find some accountability and then procrastinate happily!

Thanksgiving

What I find to be most thankful for are those things I take for granted.  What do you take for granted?  What are you thankful for?  There is always something, though not always apparent that is a blessing in our lives.  Take the time to recognize one thing you feel lucky to have.  Gratitude is filled with limitless positivity.  Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for all of you who read my blog :)