The Positive Costume

Halloween happens to be one of my favorite holidays for a variety of reasons.  I have some sentimental value attached to the holiday in addition to the fun of dressing up.  Stepping into a different identity for a short time can be really refreshing.  The act can even help us discover something about ourselves that has been missing from our lives.  For example, I dressed up as a ballerina; it got me thinking about how much I loved dancing when I was younger and how I don't do it enough.  Now I'm feeling compelled to go out and incorporate dancing into my leisure activities.  And so, I've added variety to my life and increased the number of activities to do on my feel good list.  Should it only be once a year that we step outside of our routine selves and possibly find another aspect of joy to add to our lives?  Absolutely not!  Routine has many positive aspects but it can also create boredom; feeling bored is negative.  So I propose that on a more frequent basis we impose a halloween type day or event for ourselves.  Step outside the box. Experience life in a new way; you never know what you might find and who it could make you become.  The next great you might be a costume change away.  Happy Halloween!

P.S. I love indulging in candy on Halloween (and any other chance I get) but I'm not always feeling so positive about myself after the sugar rush ends.  For tips and advice on loving your candy and body check out this blog: http://nutrishlin.wordpress.com 

website!

Sorry for not having posted in forever...I have been feverishly redesigning my website...take a look!
www.bethsmolen.com

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Chasing what chases you.

There are so many sayings about the idea of "chasing" or "working hard" to get something.  One major belief is that if something doesn't present itself as a challenge then its probably not going to be very satisfying when it is received.  This is certainly true in some cases.  The more work we put into getting to that goal, the greater amount of satisfaction we feel.  For example, studying for a licensing exam is generally a task that people will put their sweat and tears into.  When passing results are received, people go into an understandably euphoric state because the dream they were chasing became a reality.  What about when it comes to the relationship world?  Does chasing or working hard have the same applications? Before I give my thoughts on that, I'd just like to preface this whole post with the fact that I'm a big believer on working hard, feeling stressed and working through less than pleasant conditions to see achievement.  I also believe that not every undertaking is worth someone's time.  What I mean by this is that when you set a goal in mind, whatever it may be, the path you travel through to achieve the goal may be difficult, but as long as there are some encouraging markers along the way then you are on the right track.  To apply this to my licensing exam example: you may have lost tens of hours of valuable sleep, not eaten so well, felt stressed and neglected other areas of life; but if you were also learning new information, solidifying the material in your mind and feeling productive (even at the slightest bit) then the end is worth the means.  Now, lets look at any type of relationship through the same lens.  You are trying to reconnect with an old friend.  Scenario 1: you and old friend are trying to make plans but you keep missing each others calls.  Then when you finally speak your schedules are totally off.  For weeks or months you cannot find a time that works for both of you, yet there is effort on both your parts to try to make a plan.  This chasing is frustrating, but is double sided, so both parties are taking an interest in working toward the same goal.  Scenario 2: you and old friend are trying to make plans.  You are doing all the calling, he doesn't pick up the calls and is not calling back.  Maybe you make a plan, but he cancels last minute and doesn't suggest trying to reschedule.  This is single sided chasing.  This same scenario can also be applied to romantic relationships as well.  Point is, during this journey to meet the end goal of having a plan, if you are experiencing challenges but so is the other party, then at least you can see the positive in that both of you are working with the same goal in mind.  However, if you are working hard toward making plans that the other party has no interest in, where is that bit of encouragement that tells you to pursue this goal further?  It isn't there.  This goal is not worth your effort.  Chasing is perfectly fine.  Getting what you want can take work.  Just always be sure to find the positivity or encouragement that justifies any chasing at all.

Achievement

Achievement no matter how big or small is still the result of accomplishing something.  Let go of any hang ups about the magnitude of achievement; just get it done.

Everything Happens for a Reason- My Way

Everything happens for a reason is one of the sayings that I live my life by.  I cannot express how absolutely valid this statement is when it comes to almost any situation.  I remember once using the expression when I was driving in the car with someone and he made a wrong turn.  I tried to explain that there was some sort of reason as to why it wasn't meant that we initially turn in the right direction; he said that this situation wasn't applicable and that it was just a thoughtless act on his part.  I came back with a bunch of examples as to why it may have been a good thing that we didn't make the correct turn at first (clearly positivb is always trying to find the positive points of every situation).  Whether or not it was meant that we drive the wrong way isn't so much the point I'm trying to make.  While I'll live and die by "Everything Happens for a Reason" I won't do so blindly.  What do I mean by this?  Well I simply won't sit comfortably thinking that there's some reason as to why life occurs as it does; I'm proactive so I seek out the reason or possibilities as to why certain things happens and certain things don't.  I feel it is not enough to just passively agree to the "its meant to be reasoning," you must find or at least attempt to create an understanding about a situation where the above saying is used.  After all, any experience has a learning component; so allow yourself to grow and gain understanding from life's twists and turns by taking a proactive approach to "Everything Happens for a Reason."  Today's wrong turn may lead to tomorrows great success; find the meaning behind the mistake.

A Thought

Acting out of character can remind us of who we truly are; or give us clarity as to who we want to be.

Positive Identity

I'm starting to see an unintentional theme in my last few entries.  It seems that I'm discussing the transition from negativity (or feeling not so positive) to a more positive point of view.  So now I'm thinking about the catalyst that puts us in that positive place.  I've discovered that the fuel which drives someone into a better mental state is very different for everyone.  Some people need to be surrounded by those who are upbeat to transition themselves into that feeling.  Others need their own time to process and talk themselves into a better frame of mind.  Maybe its making a change in routine, or talking to a certain someone that causes your mood to shift.  Whatever it may be try to recognize it.  Try to identify that moment or situation in which you feel yourself transition into that lighter side of yourself; that place where you're feeling happy, able and ready to take on what comes next.  This is what I'd like to call your positive identity.  Your unique formula for getting yourself to feel well again.  Take your personal recipe for positivity and keep it handy for a healthier you.  

Motivate a Friend to Motivate You

So you know there are a ton of things you need to do for yourself, but the motivation to do any of these things is just absent at the moment.  Maybe you need a life coach?  But anyhow, you're at the point where you cannot help yourself, so why not help someone else?  It's so much easier to fix up other people's lives/problems compared to your own.  So you do a good deed (mitzvah) and help your friend get motivated to start xyz that he couldn't get going alone.  Now he's flying.  What are you doing?  Maybe now that you motivated someone and saw a positive result you get the feeling that you too can produce your own great results.  Maybe you don't want to be left behind in the race to success?  Maybe motivating someone else is just the remedy you needed to fuel your own motivation?  Why not give it a try?  If nothing else at least you did a mitzvah...and thats pretty positive on its own.

0 to 10 is better than 5 to 8

I've pretty much established the fact that I'm a raving optimist.  My glass is a little more than half full in fact.  But I'm also human and go through the "D" moods (feeling depressed, discouraged & distraught).  Recently I found myself feeling discouraged with so many areas of life; I was feeling that despite all my best efforts no great results were being seen.  It was just one of those times where nothing was progressing or going my way; to make matters worse I even found myself feeling as if I was moving backwards.  Helplessness was definitely starting to set in.  I even thought to myself "I'd just like to resign from life right now."  I wanted to throw my hands up in the air- not for dancing purposes, but simply to give up.  Have you ever felt this way?  Chances are if you classify yourself within the human species you have.  So my status was 0 out of 10 on the scale of life.  Maybe I was being dramatic at the time, but that's how I felt.  Then something amazing happened.  I got a call (I'll explain the content of the call in another posting soon hopefully) and the world turned around.  My efforts in one of the areas I was working on had paid off.  Success!  If I was physically able to bounce (as a friend so cleverly described) I would have.  My happiness and positivity were off the charts- definitely a 10.  So I've had a really great day since then as I continue to feel the rush that this news brought....so now I'm reflecting back on all of this and figuring out what it all means.

First off patience is linked to positivity;  when we expect instant results it is much more likely that we're left feeling negatively about the outcome or lack there of.  I'm an instant gratification gal.  This mentality really leads to feeling discouraged so much more quickly.  I hate feeling down about things.  Knowing that I could have avoided days of negative emotion had I just been a little more patient and believed that my efforts would pay off really bothers me.  This is something I must work on.  Some great things happen in an instant and some take a little or a lot longer; I have to remind myself of this more often.  

Then there's the aftermath of accomplishment (or receiving a good result.)  So now that I've had this one piece of the puzzle fall into place, I'm feeling much more optimistic that the other areas I'm working on will also see the result I'm hoping for.  Again, I need to remind myself to be patient.  But it's really incredible how my attitude has turned from feeling that nothing will be alright to everything will fall into place in its right time.  If I've made the right efforts to get things in order to work, more likely than not they will.  I'm really loving how my attitude has changed about every current endeavor after just one good piece of news.

The fact that I am this elated over this news is tied to how upset I was prior to receiving it.  Had everything else been going really well I would have certainly been happy to get this outcome, but not nearly as happy as I currently am (going from a 5 to an 8.)  I feel so much more appreciative of this great news because I hadn't been getting any for a little while.  This whole rush is really exhilarating.  It makes me feel that while it isn't preferable to feel that life is at a 0, it certainly makes the sweet a lot sweeter.  There's something to be said about feeling as if a breakthrough has occurred.  Generally we don't find ourselves feeling that "wow finally something great" unless we are devoid of that emotion.  Again when you're feeling as if there's no hope, it's hard to remind yourself of how great you'll feel when something good does happen.  After this entire experience I will definitely try to push that thought through my head.  It's a notion that may provide a bit of positivity during a vulnerable time. 

It Sounded Great in Your Head...How does it Sound when its Out?

So you took my advice and took some time for yourself.  You cleared your head, thought without interruption and possibly came up with great ideas or plans.  Now you want to put those plans into action.  Go for it!  But it's always a smart idea to get a second opinion.  It's the same idea as when you think up a joke in your head.  It's the greatest joke ever concocted by a human- up until you tell it to a few people and barely get a chuckle.  Not to say that everything you think up isn't as great as you believe it to be; however a second opinion can really be essential to making a great idea or plan even better.  So go ahead turn to a friend, colleague, mentor, or life coach and share your new thoughts.  Your motivation to carry these ideas out will only skyrocket when outside parties find value in your new concept.

Solitude is Bliss

I came across a song on my ipod that I downloaded in a mix a few months ago.  It's called "Solitude is Bliss" by Tame Impala.  It has a really great laid back california surfer type feel to it (at least I think); but what's really great about the song is the truth of the title.  I consider myself a very social person.  I love and cherish the fact that I have an amazing family and group of friends who bring so much to my life from our interactions.  However, sometimes we need our own time.  I need to stop my endless chatter and just take some quiet time for myself.  Yesterday I spent the whole day with me; I ate, shopped, and lived a good number of hours without any socializing.  It was incredible.  I got to hear my own thoughts without any outside interference (interference isn't a bad thing necessarily).  But the fact that I was able to just truly focus on myself (when I do it so rarely) was a wonderful experience.  The inward reflection really refreshed me.  "Me time" is essential.  You may have the best outside influences and advisors around you but until you can hear your own voice uninterrupted clarity and peace can be difficult to find.  Listen to the Song!

Failure is an option when you make it the only option.

So far I haven't written about an experience that brought so much inspiration to a blog entry.  I just ended a life coaching session with one of the most amazing people I know (whose name I won't reveal for privacy reasons) but not only was this person just beaming after our session but so was I.  Our discussion was about the possibility of failure in the workplace.  We were talking about the likelihood of failure, failure as an option and what could be done to prevent failure from occurring.  While going through the process I realize that when people say "failure isn't an option" it's a really complicated statement.  An option according Merriam- Webster is "an act of choosing."  This means when failure occurs it is because we have chosen to fail.  So unless you are planning to do some self sabotaging, failure is not on the menu of outcomes.  Failure is the worst result, why consider it when you are vying for success?  Failure and success do not belong in the same thought.  If success is a possibility then failure is not.  Failure is simply a default outcome.  The only option I see when it comes to considering failure is to take it off the list.

Positivity and Motivation are Best Friends Forever (and ever)

Motivation is what makes you tick, move, accomplish etc.  Without motivation it's really tough to achieve goals or simply keep moving forward in life.  Staying motivated is rooted in a positive attitude.  If you believe that you'll accomplish the goal that positivity will feed into the motivation needed to complete it.  So yet we find another reason why staying positive is so important.  Positivity ignites the sparks of motivation which in turn push us down the road toward success.  Turn your ignition on.

The "Aha" Moment

Everything happens for a reason.  You may not find this understanding immediatley, but trust that it is there.  Knowing that something better is out there, and the uncertainty as to when it will come adds variety/excitement- embrace it.

The Good Selfish

So many of us try so hard to please everyone without first taking care of the most important person in our lives- ourselves.  Maybe you feel obligated to put others before yourself (a people pleaser).  Maybe you genuinely enjoy seeing other people happy, which in turn makes you happy.  But if there are areas of your life that you need to improve to heighten your own happiness then it is important to attend to those needs first.  After all, a happier you will better serve everyone else.  Don't neglect yourself; you are just as deserving of the positivity that you bring into others lives.  You are number one- now act like it.