Sunday Brunch for Thought

Blogging live from sunny San Diego, I'd like to put two questions out to the readers (and please respond!) as today's brunch entree:

What does a fresh start mean to you?

and for dessert:

Have you ever thought that you "fresh" on some endeavor only to find yourself in deja vu?

Tomorrow I'll follow up with a post on these topics...happy brunching!

Be Clear with Fear

So as most of you know I'm currently in San Diego getting my NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) licensing.  I've just completed day 4 and I am so flooded with amazing new information/techniques to use in my coaching; it's really exciting.  All the different workshop possibilities this course will allow me to do are going to be great, but I digress.... So this trip involved me flying out to California alone and staying here for 12 days.  I don't know anyone out here and I've never been here before.  I've also never travelled by myself.  Aside from the fact that this licensing is ultra important to me, the actual conditions surrounding the trip were really scary.  I like being around people, especially when I'm traveling.  The whole idea of being alone for 12 days was really frightening me.  Not to mention everyone acknowledged that while it was a really brave move on my part and that I'd love California (which so far I'm enjoying) it was a long while to be gone by myself.  These remarks didn't do too much to help me feel better about the situation.  I have to give an honorable mention to my mother (who I love the most of anyone) with her constant "Beth you don't have to go" or "cancel the trip, I'm afraid for you,"  I just wasn't finding too much reassurance anywhere.  But January 21st came, and although my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, I almost cried, I nearly lost the keys that unlock my luggage in the back seat of the cab to the airport, and finally the airline tried to tell me that I had already boarded the plane when I arrived at the gate (which I took to be the last obstacle from getting me to California aside from a plane crash) I successfully made it to California.  I could not be happier to be here.  This experience is changing me in so many ways.  Professionally I am gaining some amazing tools that will better my work; but personally this trip is making me a new person.  Why?  Well I've essentially dealt with a huge fear (traveling alone) and conquered that.  I could have easily backed out of going on the trip.  I could have found a different NLP course located in New York.  I didn't do this though because I knew the quality of the education would not be as superb.  So I acknowledged that I was afraid of the situation, but I did not let that stop me.  What's my message here?  Being afraid is perfectly fine, but being paralyzed by your fear is not.  Life is full of unknowns.  Even things/situations/people who we have come to become comfortable with may change at any given moment and then we have to re-adapt.  Human nature lends itself toward a desire for consistency.  Change/the unknown are undoubtedly scary.  But how many times have you tried something new and it hasn't killed you?  Often, we build these unknown situations up in our minds to be much worse than they are.  Having been away now for a few days on my own, I am doing just fine.  When I plan my next trip it will probably be with another person; however traveling solo is something that I now know I am capable of.  I've conquered this fear.  I've won.  Don't let fear stop you from doing/leading a life that you want.  No matter how scary, unless a situation is placing you in true mortal danger (in which case I do recommend reevaluating) be confident that you can beat fear.  Remember that what lies beyond that fear will enhance your life in some way.  And I'd like to reiterate that everything happens for a reason.  So if you've found yourself in a place where change is occurring or a new situation presents unknowns that scare you, acknowledge the fear, muster up some courage and press on.  When it comes to fear, winning is the only option; losing is for losers.

A Tribute to Erin Veltman

I am truly lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people; I know I constantly bring this up.  I’m not much of a bragger about any other aspect of my life, but my family and friends are just great.  One standout woman who I’m making this post a tribute to is Erin Veltman.  I really don’t know where to begin.  I guess I can start with strength.  Her strength is quite unlike anyone else’s I’ve ever known.  She makes the seemingly impossible look pretty easy.  At her young age having conquered more obstacles than most of us, her strength is just incredible.  Not to mention her perseverance.  She has always taken opportunities to engage in a challenge or go the extra mile.  The tasks are never easy and neither is the work she has to put in to get the desired results.  But those results appear.  Her resourcesfull nature is undoubtedly a huge part of her success.  I can recall discussions between her and I where a certain situation was presenting more of an obstacle than anticipated.  Brainstorming with her is amazing because she’s ready to step outside of the box, go beyond the normal means, but also stays in the realm of realistic.  Her ability at this is a true art.  While much of this tribute has lent itself to the professional side of Erin, as a friend she is unmatched.  I’m in the process of trying to pursuede Merriam- Webster to put her face next to loyal in the dictionary.  When Erin labels herself as your friend, you have someone you can always count on.  While she and I have been separated by state lines on and off for the past few years, the distance hasn’t seemed to affect her loyalty.  I know that when I need her she will be there.  That reassuring support makes me a stronger person.  I know her other friends feel this way about her too; her friendship is invaluable to anyone lucky enough to receive it.  Watching and knowing Erin for all these years has given me a standard to measure greatness against.  Everything about her is an inspiration; she is a true heroine.  Seeing her achievements has given me hope, confidence and a framework as to how I can make myself great.  Maybe it’s selfish that I get all these amazing perks from having Erin as an integral part of my life, but I’d like to just think I’m really lucky….really lucky to be blessed with Erin.

Last night I arrived in San Diego to begin my NLP certifcation.  I will be doing posts about my experience here which is different from the normal theme of my posts, but not to worry positivity will continue in theme.  Erin was pretty much the reason that I’ve found myself in sunny California this morning about to do something that will enhance my life immensely.  Thank you my dear, I love you so much!

It Is What It Is

"It is what it is" has come to be a common statement in today's lingo.  As dull, honest and direct the statement it...well, it is what it is.  So what does this mean and how can we make this a little better for ourselves?  Essentially the statement means that a situation is sometimes unable to be significantly changed for the better.  So unfortunately you may find yourself stuck with undesirable circumstances.  But don't cry out in despair yet, because there are a few things that can be done to add some levity (and perhaps relief) to your situation:
1. stop reinforcing that your situation is bad; this will only make things seem worse
2. find anything recently positive you experienced and remind yourself of that; it can be as simple as saying wow my cup of coffee this morning was extra good
3. create something good in the situation for yourself; anything goes here, even making up an immature joke in your head about something going on around you

It is what it is forces you to accept the situation you are currently in; however it does not mean that something (even something small) can be done to better your mood.  So take a little action, dig up a little positive energy and end your day laughing at "it is what it is."

Sunday Brunch for Thought

For the most part when we recall the details of our day to someone we focus on the negative points.  Someone cut you off, your boss yelled at you, a series of 12 paper cuts on the same finger etc.  What if instead you focus on the good points of your day.  Revolutionary.  At the end of your day think (or talk) about everything good that occured.  Instead of wallowing in your frustration, embrace some happiness/gratefulness.  Realizing that good things are happening to you on a daily basis is a certain way of adding positivity to your life.

It's Meant to Be

Just recently I heard the sweetest story about two Argentinian guys who were best friends in their younger years. In third grade though, one of them moved to Israel with his family.  At that time cell phones and computers were not used as they are today so they lost touch.  Then in high school it happened that the other boy also moved with his family to the same area in Israel that his best friend had moved to years before.  The two reunited as they found each other in a freshman homeroom class; they have been inseparable ever since.  Then there's the story of my favorite married couple/ two of my best friends Jonathan and Michele Silverman.  Meeting in the sandbox at the age of three was the beginning for these two.  They went on to be each others first boy/girlfriend.  After a high school romance they broke up and dated other people.  Through the college years they remained in touch, drifting in and out of each others lives from time to time.  Then just before they turned 30 they reunited romantically, having realized that after searching far and wide there was no better match out there.  I have so many other stories that I could share, but my point is pretty clear here- some things are just meant to be.  The idea of fate can be scary to a lot of us.  Do we really not have any control of the outcome of our lives?  While I wouldn't go that far, there is certainly a lesson that can be taken from this idea of "meant to be."  Sometimes we find ourselves wanting something, someone or some sort of outcome to occur in our lives.  We want that thing so badly that we use a significant amount of effort (basically way too much) to try to attain what we want.  With the idea of "meant to be" in mind, we can save ourselves a tremendous amount of unsuccessful effort.  Yes life requires effort.  No, you cannot lie in your bed and expect fate to take you through life.  However, if you find yourself using an unnatural amount of force to try and achieve something, perhaps it is just not supposed to happen for you.  This is a certainly a difficult idea to accept; but if you also take into account that life is not supposed to be painstakingly hard it makes sense.  If you are meant to go down a certain path or be with a certain person, chances are that  you will find yourself in that place without going through a war to get there.  Living life is a combination of making something of everyday and allowing things to fall into place as they should.

Millionaire Matchmaker Shout-Out

"But there's one thing I know for sure, if it feels wrong, don't do it."- Patti Stanger

Sunday Brunch for Thought

This bit of brilliance was inspired by a conversation I had an hour ago.  We have to face it- people are annoying.  They get on your nerves.  You may often want to run away from them.  You may also wonder how they can behave in such an irritating fashion.  Well guess what?  You're a person too.  You are probably guilty of this annoying behavior.  So cut your fellow annoying human being some slack.  You probably got on someone's nerves at one point this past week as well.  Enjoy :)

So What's Your Plan?

It's 5 days into the new year.  In my last post I discussed your new years resolutions and how to attach more weight to them so that failure seems worse than normal.  Now the next and perhaps more important question must be addressed- how will you ensure that you don't fail?  You need a plan!  Not just any plan- a plan that you can actually execute and commit to.  A plan that keeps you motivated.  A plan that holds you accountable.  A plan that pushes you to achieve; but doesn't place unreasonable expectations on what can be achieved in a given time frame.  Your plan is essential to success.  I've mentioned in posts before that having yourself as the sole participant in your plan is risky.  When there is no one to answer to but yourself, cutting some extra slack or just slacking off in general is rather easy and likely.  Did you ever notice that taking a class at the gym is much more motivating than when you work out on your own?  As humans competition is a natural part of our behavior.  So during a spin class seeing other humans around you sticking with the steep hill climb is what will keep you going; no one wants to feel like less of a competitor.  So grab a workout buddy, or if you know another person trying to lose weight for the new year, partner up!  If you're looking to read more, join a book club. Have a family member or mentor hold you accountable for your plan.  Or seek the help of a life coach if you want an independent party to organize, motivate and push you toward your success.  When there's another force involved in helping create your success, your probability of achievement increases.  Don't sell yourself short- create a solid plan.  Realizing your resolutions is much easier than you think.  Strategize and succeed.

Your Most Important New Years Resolution

Happy New Year! 2011 has just begun and is filled with endless possibilities.  Most of you have probably come up with a few resolutions for this year; and being that 2011 has just started, your enthusiasm to achieve is high.  However, as most of us know, our dedication to these resolutions diminishes, often within the first few weeks of the new year.  Why?  Well many of us have forgotten to make the most important resolution of all- Resolve to accomplish your resolutions.  Though seemingly redundant, this technique will actually help increase the chance that your set of 2011 "to do's" get done.  Why?  Well for starters, not only do you have the particular goal to accomplish, but you have the goal of accomplishing your goal in the mix.  I'll illustrate through the classic example of weight loss.  You want to lose 15 lbs by spring.  So there's goal #1.  Now, since you also vowed to accomplish all your goals, the act of accomplishing is a resolution itself.  So, 15 lbs lighter, not only did you lose weight, but you also achieved in general- that's two accomplishments.  If you fail to lose the weight, and then fail your goal as a whole, well my friend thats two failures.  For those of us who do not accept failure, attaching extra weight to failure can push us toward success more easily.  Another way to think of it, is that achieving, and achieving the goal is a double win; the opposite is a double lose.  Do you really want to be a bigger loser?  Hopefully not, so make losing a little more painful by resolving to resolve.  Making accomplishment  its own resolution will require you to strategize how you will achieve each individual resolution.  When a plan or course is mapped out for success, executing and succeeding becomes much more likely.  So for today's Sunday Brunch for Thought, think about and plan how you will achieve each resolution; then make achievement your umbrella resolution.  A mindset for success is the key ingredient for winning.