Your 2010 Review

In a little less than 15 hours we will welcome in the year 2011.  On what my father calls "erev" ( which means day before) new years eve, I've always liked to do an assessment of my year in review.  I'll acknowledge all the great things I've accomplished, reminisce about the great moments, and look at my choices in general.  I rarely look back at my year and call anything I did a mistake.  Why?  Well our choices shape our experiences, which help us grow.  Maybe we made a choice and it helped us find a great path or person; but maybe that choice led us down the wrong road.  If the latter occurred, we simply steer clear of that choice again.  Choices are learning experiences for the better or the worse.  Not many things should be considered mistakes; a mistake lands you in prison, or the hospital.  A good choice or a bad choice help develop your character.  And once again I'll say everything happens for a reason.  Believe me its true.  I find it really destructive when people consider what could have happened if they had done "y" instead of "z."  Instead of focusing on what you cannot control because its in the past (and last I heard the time travel machine from "Back to the Future" was still not available for use) focus on what you can do in this coming year.  You are totally in control of your future.  While you can't predict what choices you will have to make this coming year as a whole, you can a. set a course for which you'd like to follow in general, b. set a course which you'd like to avoid in general and c. make some large goals you'd like to achieve (you'll need to consistently make choices to keep you on track).   So take a look back at your 2010.  Find what made you happy, what you achieved and what you'd like to avoid this coming year.   Set your course for an amazing 2011...there's no better time to start then now!  Happy New Year!!  

Perez Hilton Does Israel

A surprisingly profound and fresh take on a visit to Israel, by a fairly unexpected visitor...check it out
http://perezhilton.com/2010-12-30-exploring-israel-part-5

Free Stock that makes You Rich

I'll be the first to admit that what I'm about to say is incredibly corny; it is also incredibly true.  Anyone in your life who makes you laugh is good stock.  Stock that has both short term and long term growth for your amounts of happiness.  As many of us know, laughing releases serotonin in our brains making us feel good.  So hang on to those who keep the serotonin flowing.

B's Snow Snippets

Being a New Yorker, today I have been confined to my house because of this blizzard.  The Christmas holiday also had me spending more time at home than I normally would on a given weekend.  So here are some of thoughts that came to me during this down time...

1. I have an amazing family, and an amazing relationship with them.  Not once this weekend have I wanted to "escape" or felt trapped being in the house with them.  We have such a fun time together.  I realize I'm lucky to feel this way and that not everyone does.  The truth of the matter is that if your relationship with family is not what you'd like it to be, it is never to late to make it better.  Relationships are not like flowers, even if they "die" they can be revived; it takes effort but is well worth the work.

2. Sitting at home- or in any simple environment and just enjoying the company of who you're with is the true test of any relationship.  My sisters are some of the funniest people I know.  We can be anywhere and have a great time because of their personalities.  When all the fanfare and fancy elements of life are removed from the picture, are you enjoying who you're with?  The test of true mental compatibility lies in doing nothing and being completely happy doing so because of the company of those around you.

3. Slow down a little.  I'm always on the run.  This weekend I was forced to stop the go go go theme of my life, and while I didn't get everything accomplished on my to do list, I got other things accomplished that I never thought about doing.  Relax a little; if it didn't kill me, it won't kill you.  Maybe you'll even enjoy it.

Rose Colored Glasses...To a Degree

When it comes to judging people there's no reason to immediately label them.  Rather approach the situation thinking that they are good and let them prove otherwise.  We are human and therefore mess up from time to time.  So making allowances for mistakes is necessary.  However, if you're seeing repeated patterns of poor behavior, treatment, actions etc. take the rose glasses off and see someone for who they clearly are.  It is so easy to get blinded by initial prejudgments; it is just as easy to lose your grip with reality and let people get away with too much after you've known them for a while.  It's all about allowing yourself to get to know someone and then keeping judgments in check.  People change, or may not reveal everything about themselves in the beginning.  Just make sure you have the proof to label someone as being "x."  Being a fair party to others and yourself requires balance; it is of course hard to achieve but necessary for keeping things positive.  Happy Holidays to those celebrating! 

Tough Love For Yourself

Being hard on yourself isn't always a bad thing!  Why?  Well when we "beat ourselves up" it is often because we've acted outside of what our conscience tells us is right.  Or, we may not be functioning at the standard we hold ourselves to.  So we do some self scolding.  But keeping yourself in check through those behaviors can be positive; always striving to be at your best requires some discipline.  Being hard on yourself enters the unhealthy zone when it causes confidence to significantly drop.  We all make mistakes.  Recognize it, fix it and move on.  Staying stuck in the "I'm a {bad person, failure, hopeless case} frame of mind will never move you in a positive direction.  Find your proper degree of tough self love and let it keep you living at your peak.

Giving Up Before It's Begun and Understanding How You've Won

How many times have you wondered why a situation crashed and burned before it even took off?  Recently, a friend of mine was discussing how frustrating dating can be; especially when a guy takes your number and then doesn't call.  Why did he take my number in the first place?  Why didn't he want to give a thought or chance to a second meeting?  Did I do something wrong at the end?  While we can torture ourselves with these questions- which will probably never be answered- there's a bigger picture to be seen. This situation did not work out favorably because of xyz factors.  If such problems exist, would you have wanted to be a part of a dysfunctional situation?  Chances are your answer is no.  So if someone took your number just to be polite, or for the purposes of power, or maybe because he wants to put you in his rotation of ladies (which is large explaining the lack of calling) then it is a GREAT thing that you didn't have to waste any more of your time with this person.  The same applies to most situations where you feel that you've been let down in some way.  If you interview with a company, and the HR rep says that they will call you and they do not, well then you've avoided working at a company that didn't feel you were a proper match.  What does this mean?  You avoided the prospect of working somewhere that doesn't reflect a culture you would thrive in.  You avoided the job misery that so many people are plagued by.  There is something better out there and you've been lucky enough not to waste your time doing otherwise.  Though we often find ourselves initially disappointed by potentially positive situations- we all wind up on the winning side in some facet.  Sometimes the positive attached to the disappointment is not immediately seen, but trust that it is there.  Want what wants you; reject what does not.  Everything happens for a reason!

An Oldie But A Goodie!

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2002-08-04-lifecoach_x.htm

A Tribute to a Postivb Favorite- M. Schneider

Today is the birthday of one of my amazing friends- Melissa Schneider.  I haven't yet written a blog dedicated to someone in my life but why not start now- and what a fabulous start with Melissa.  We were speaking just yesterday when she mentioned that she had been reading my blog and wanted to know when the next post was coming.   The joy I felt when she said that was just overwhelming.  It meant so much that she takes time from her schedule to follow my activity- I know she really cares and it's really touching.  The compliment she gave me by mentioning her avid following my writing just made my day so much better.  She contributes to the positive energy in my life that keeps me who I am.  Not only is she a concerned friend, she is also generous, hysterically funny, ridiculously fun, resourceful, brilliant, stylish (although not an internal part of her, something that must be mentioned) and just such a real and down to earth person.  She exemplifies the type of friend you want to have in your life.  I strongly suggest that if you don't have a Melissa in your life- go find one IMMEDIATELY.  Happy Birthday Melissa! You only deserve the best that life has to offer! xo

It's How You Say It

It has been absolutely FREEZING in New York this week- I mean painfully cold.  Yesterday while walking to get my lunch I was so taken by the cold that I started repeating in my head Oh My G-d it's so cold...over and over and over again.  I continued to feel colder and colder.  Later on I went back outside, and for whatever reason I didn't feel the bite in the air and said to myself wow it's so much warmer outside.  I didn't secure my scarf or put my hood up- it honestly felt about 10 degrees warmer to me.  Last night when getting out of my car and walking toward my destination I remember thinking here I go back into the tundra, and what followed was that feeling of severe cold.  However, later on when I went back outside- when it would logically be colder I said to myself "hm not feeling so bad anymore" and then what followed was a normal walk to the car and not a dart as I had done just a few hours ago.  It got me thinking about the effect the words I was telling myself had on my perception of the weather.  I remember checking the thermometer in the car only to see that there was a variation of 1-2 degrees up and down within these time periods.  Certainly those degrees do not create great enough of a difference to feel more or less cold.  I decided that I had influenced my feelings on the weather with the words I said.  I was discussing this with my mom and she brought up a similar example.  She said that when my sisters and I were babies learning to walk, if we fell and she reacted with shrieks of nervousness we would automatically cry harder.  However, if we fell and she came to us with a smile we would barely cry.  The book As a Man Thinketh  discusses the idea that the direction of our thoughts influences how we feel and behave.  Certainly actually expressing ideas- by speaking them as I did in my example- has a similar impact.  So with this in mind we can essentially talk ourselves into feeling a certain way about something, both in a positive or negative direction.  We all encounter disappointing situations, if we say to ourselves, this did not work out in my favor but I still have "x" good thing going right now.  Or I didn't get the results I was hoping for with this project but now I know what changes to make which will yield a better outcome...then essentially we are putting our minds in a positive place.  When you play the poor me fiddle, a sad you emerges.  Take control of your positivity... and speak or think in that direction.  You'll be pleasantly surprised at the results.  Feeling great beats feeling awful- a both captain obvious but captain true statement.  Go for the former. 

I Don't Need Super-sized McDonalds, or Miracles for that Matter

Happy Hanukkah to all my Jewish readers!  I'm also Jewish, and this holiday has inspired my post for today.  Just a few days ago, I was having a conversation with someone who was having a bad week.  In the spirit of Hanukkah I said maybe you'll get a Hannukah miracle before the week is done.  This person then said that this problem wasn't big enough to require a miracle to fix it.  So he associates miracles with tremendously big occurrences; but isn't Hanukkah the celebration of a small miracle happening?  A candle burned for 8 nights.  So while the actual event was not something major, the impact from this occurrence was indeed TREMENDOUS.  Many of us probably feel that we haven't had a miracle in our lives, but the reality of the situation is that we have had miracles occur.  Think about what components of your life bring you joy.  My friend's bring so much positivity to my life.  Most of those closest to me I met in college.  I originally had a lot of reservations about attending Hofstra.  It turned out to be one of the greatest decisions I ever made.  If I had not chosen that school, then I probably wouldn't have had made some of my best friends.  My life may not have been the same, and as scary as it is to think about that, it is also a MIRACLE that I chose Hofstra.  Is there a correlation between choice and miracles? Why not?  Isn't it a miracle in this instance that my mind swayed in the favor of Hofstra? YES.   Another example of a miracle in my life is my family.  I have the most incredible parents and sisters.  I am not trying to brag, I am recognizing how lucky I am to be surrounded by these people.  I was given an amazing family and it is a huge miracle.  So I've just named two facets of my life that I call miracles.  Did an ocean part for me? No.  The miracle doesn't have to be huge to be a miracle.  It is simply something makes your life better which you can deem to be miracle status.  Now consider everything in your life that qualifies as a miracle, the results should happily surprise you.