Change Clothes and Go

Jay-Z said it best to be honest- a new look can do so much, especially motivation-wise.  In my last post I spoke about spring cleaning.  Well I did my own sorting through of thoughts and realized that as much as I loved this blog it was time to freshen it up for spring so I've moved!  I now own www.positivb.com which is a part of the WordPress community.  I have recopied all the old posts (I guess that counts as a little crazy but I enjoyed it) and now have a lovely crisp white (very fashion forward for spring-summer) page at wordpress.  I want to thank all of you for reading this consistently or whenever you've had time.  I loved this project more than I can say and I'm excited to keep going.  So click on the link www.positivb.com take a look at the new "do" and let me know what you think.  Subscribe to the posts via email so you can keep current, and more importantly enjoy!

Spring Cleaning for Life

The temperatures seem to be heading toward those seasonal numbers- so I'm trying to be positive and think that spring is actually wholeheartedly here.  So many of us clean out or closets, getting rid of what we no longer need for Spring, and then just tossing the old, unwanted or useless items.  Guess what?  Your intangible closet aka your mind is also probably in need of the same type of cleaning.  What better time than now to figure out what isn't working in your life?  What aspects are going to hold you back?  What are you hanging onto that will prevent you from fully living and being happy?  It's time to do that mental clean.  The only way to move yourself into a better place is by freeing yourself of anything negative.  What are you cleaning out of the mental closet?

Tightrope Walking

In my Sunday brunch for thought I addressed the topic of doing for other people versus doing for yourself. The balance between keeping your life in order while helping those around you is forever changing.  The lulls and peaks of excitement, stability and chaos in our lives our unpredictable.  Those conditions either enable or prevent us from giving time to others (unless we do while sacrificing our time to ourselves.)  How many times have you felt obliged to help someone even though you know that time is really needed to accomplish your own goals?  Are you really doing the right thing by sacrificing yourself for the sake of someone you want to help?  Of course it depends on the situation, but in general (excluding severe emergency cases) depriving yourself of what you need will surely arise as an issue sooner or later.  You may even end up holding a grudge against the person you helped.  How often have you heard yourself think ' I could have been doing x for myself instead of doing y for her and she isn't even appreciative!'  Thoughts like that mean that you should have just helped yourself.  No one you've given assistance to wants to hear that suddenly you've become a martyr after your acts of kindness.  Taking care of yourself is really a priority in the general scheme of life.  Now when you decline to help or give time to someone else but actually have the capacity to do so is another story.  How many times have you heard yourself make a bunch of excuses aka reasons as to why you can't help someone?  How many times have you heard that "shoulda, woulda, coulda lingo" when you were asked for something from someone else?  Thoughts like that are red flags for "I'm lazy and I don't care."  If you're striking the right balance between giving to yourself and others then you probably aren't having thoughts like those.  Since we are in a constant state of fluctuation it is so important for us to pay attention to what streams through our head.  Balance isn't easy to keep but if you stay true and fair to yourself- and those around you chances are the scales won't tip too much.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Striking the balance between doing for yourself and doing for others is extremely difficult.  What is your personal gage for knowing that you're being a little to selfish versus selfless?  Which side of the scale do you find yourself on more often?

Happiness and Dominos

I'd like to thank Nicole B. for helping me come up with this post.

Have you ever asked someone what they do for a living, they give a one word answer, miserable facial expression and move on.  Not only have I seen people do this- I used to do this.  I was unfulfilled in my old career in so many ways, and it really became apparent when others asked me about it.  Not only was I reminded of how disconnected I felt from my job, but people were not interested in continuing a conversation with someone who seemed relatively unhappy.  I completely changed once I began my coaching career.  Now people say I "light up" when I talk about my work; this reaction makes them more interested in speaking to me and the result is that in new social situations I handle myself well.  Being a more socially inclined gal, making new friends and interacting in a positive, magnetic way makes me a happier person.  So essentially, finding a fulfilling career has caused other areas of my life (in this example social activity) to also become enhanced.  This is where happiness meet dominos.  This is where the chain reaction of happy causes happy takes effect.  This is why it is so important that you love what you do.  Now whether that is making some small adjustments to your current work or completely changing your career depends on your situation.  But you can be certain that the benefits of "lighting up" about your work will span far beyond the career piece in your life.

Turning Pain into a Game

I apologize for stating the obvious- everyone has certain activities/chores/routines that they simply hate doing.  You dread having to do "x."  In fact you think about what other awful activities you'd be happier doing than "x."  The bad news is that unless "x" is can be completely eliminated from your life without any negative repercussions, there's just no avoiding it.  I'll use my own personal example of having to clean off the clothing on the chair in my room.  The hanging/refolding the clothing is  not enjoyable for me; on top of the fact that this chair just magically seems to refill itself within two days.  What am I even bothering to clean the clothing off of it for if it won't remain clean a few days later.  (Clearly this chore really irritates me.)  Now I'll return back to my Positivb state and offer a solution to lessen the pain of such activities.  Why not challenge yourself to make these undesirable activities a little more tolerable (or even fun) for you.   Better yet, make this process into a game.  So back to my example, I turned the cleaning off my chair into a race against the clock.  I allotted 2 minutes to get all the items folded or hung up.  If I was able to stay within the time frame I gave myself a reward like 15 extra minutes of facebook time (don't mock me, we all do it.)  Now after doing this do I look forward to cleaning off my messy chair?  No.  However, the task becomes fun when it needs to, and I'm a little less aggravated or overwhelmed by the activity.  Another way to put a positive spin on an annoying activity is to use it as a break when you need one.  For example, sometimes when I'm writing or doing other work I slow down after a while.  I feel like I'm not getting anywhere and I know I need to do something else to get my mind working properly again.  Now I really hate filing away papers.  However, when I'm at the point where I desperately need a low brain level activity, filing is perfect.  So I use an NLP technique and create an anchor that illustrates filing as an activity done to recharge my brain.  Do I now love the filing?  No.  However, I do love the break that it gives me when I really need one.  So embrace the child in you and play the game of making the dreaded tasks enjoyable.  Ready, set, GO!

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Well we've finally done it- Spring is here!  I've had a countdown going since the day winter began.  The shift to Spring (in my opinion) is probably the most significant season change toward the positive.  The season is associated with fresh beginnings, brightness, and lightness.  All those characteristics are certainly great motivational tools.  I find that motivation for change/improvement is heightened when another part of our environment also changing.  This means that the start of Spring is a prime time to push yourself in that new place you've been wanting to go.  The perfect time to make those improvements that have been lingering in your mind all winter long.  The perfect time to face, meet and conquer the challenges that stand in your way.  Making even small changes for the better can get your Spring momentum going.  Once you accomplish one thing on the "to do" list, accomplishing the others seems a lot more likely when you're on a roll.  Take a look at what you're looking to improve about life and then begin by tackling the simplest challenge.  How will you begin this Spring?  What will be your first move toward a fresher, newer, better you?

The Passive-Aggressive Lie

Have you ever felt frustrated by something but hold back voicing your feelings?  Instead, you take the "calmer" approach and mutter snyde remarks under your breath or begin acting cold/distant/detached.   Here's where the passive-aggressive lie comes into play- you aren't mitigating the situation through your little jabs or seemingly unaffected behaviors, you're actually only making it worse.  Let's look at a real world example.  Your co-worker Jane is really getting on your last nerve.  You guys are working on a presentation and she keeps slacking off.  But you don't want to cause any friction among the two of you so you let your anger fester.  It slowly comes out in the form of side comments directed at her which are uncalled for.  Then Jane becomes annoyed at your behavior, so on and so forth.  Taking the passive-aggressive approach did just one thing- created another problem.  Initially you were the only team member who had a problem, but since you didn't voice your frustration, the annoyance leaked out and caused Jane to become angry with you.  Being passive-aggressive really tempered all possibilities of a bad outcome here right?  I'm not suggesting that you voice every complaint that pops into your head.  After all, some days we are just in overreact mode; however, if you do have a valid issue then putting it on the table in a rational and cool fashion is the best approach.  Why?  Well if you can make a valid argument for your grievance then it's likely that you will be understood, agreed with and the problem will be fixed (or at least improved upon).  Then you can move on with your day and avoid creating another problem.   Doesn't your problem deserve the spotlight?  Do you really want to lessen its importance by having a second issue to address on top of your own?  People who take a mature approach to addressing their concerns not only actually have the issue dealt with, but they also command a great deal of respect from those around them.  Why not earn this same respect and alleviate your problems from the get go.  Say no to acting like a child by saying no to passive-aggressive behavior. Not only will your problems thank you, but so will everyone else.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

So as we know today we "sprung forward" and lost an hour of sleep; but we are gaining an hour of light for the season to come.  With spring just a week away (for those of you who know about my countdown since December 21st) our world is going to be lighter, brighter and certainly better.  What will you do to make this new season lighter, brighter or better for yourself?

The "Oy" In Joy

Yesterday's brunch post briefly discussed that the word joy has a hidden "oy" or unpleasant expression in its spelling.  What does this mean?  How does this relate to us?  Perhaps most importantly, is Positivb trying to ruin the wonderful word joy?  Well the answer to that last question is certainly not.  However, I do what to bring some clarity to the idea that the road to getting to that place of joy is not always fabulous.  Lets look at this example- summer is coming up and you want to get in shape for swimsuit season.  So a diet and exercise are the prescription here.  Now giving up your favorite foods and going through intense workouts are the "oy" here.  But, when you step out on the beach feeling great about yourself a few months later then there's your joy.  In my coaching work with clients I always explain that the road to creating a better life is not easy- but the final result is well worth the effort.  Besides, the joy we feel from having to endure a bit is certainly greater than the joy we feel from having to barely endure at all.  The ends really do justify the means when feeling joy is concerned.  Tough it out through the "oy" and get excited about feeling the joy.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

The word JOY is a super positive expression of great happiness.  We all generally strive to be in this state and relish the times that it's present in our lives.  The term "oy" is a Yiddish expression which means something to the degree of "oh boy" relating to something unpleasant.  In my new ventures with vocabulary I've been studying and dissecting words and came across "joy."  Being Jewish I immediately saw the oy and then started to think about how "oy" can certainly be a part of Joy.  Tomorrow I'll share my thoughts with you about that.  For today's brunch for thought- how do you see the "oy" in joy?

Words of Choice

I'd like to begin by thanking brilliant Erin Veltman for giving me this topic for today's post.  If any of you ever have ideas for me to write about please email me!

Have you ever found yourself saying, "it sounded a lot better in my head."  Or, have you ever said something and then realized that what came out wasn't what you meant at all? So language- more specifically using language, is one of the most complicated processes in our lives.  In our heads we have this great idea but communicating this idea to the world can be difficult.  In this situation there's no need to blame yourself, blame language instead.  English is very tricky.  Words that are considered "synonyms" are hardly that.  Let's take this example.  Your friend is going on vacation.  You say to her, "Are you prepared for your trip?" or "Are you ready for your trip?"  Think about how those both sound.  The "prepared" hints that there may be a negative element associated with the travel.  While the "ready" hints that the trip will be a positive experience.  Now ready and prepared are considered synonyms, but they certainly don't give the same feel to a sentence.  The feel that your sentences give can make or break your message; this is why it's so important to gain a better understanding and handle on language.  Using words to deliver your intended message will allow your communication to flow more smoothly; it can also increase your persuasive abilities.  There are countless key words that we should use in our vocabularies in place of common words we use without thinking twice.  During my NLP training, we learned about these key words and making better use of our language.  Since that training I can confidently say that swapping certain words for others has given me quite an advantage, perhaps even an unfair one.  This spring I will be doing a workshop teaching those vocabulary secrets.  I will keep you posted on when that will be and if anyone is interested in attending/ receiving more info please email me at beth@bethsmolen.com.  Until then, watch what you say!

The Strong Should Get Stronger

Yesterday's Sunday Brunch for Thought asked you to think about if you'd rather make your strengths stronger or improve your weaknesses.  Right now I'm reading "Go Put Your Strengths to Work" by Marcus Buckingham.  One of the main points Buckingham makes is that we should accept that we have some natural given talents and also areas which we are weak in.  He suggests that we simply focus in on growing our strengths to their greatest capacity; trying to improve what we have difficulty with will not bring such dramatic results.  Besides, we are human and cannot expect to be perfect in every aspect of life. When Buckingham polled people as to if they'd rather strengthen their strengths or improve their weaknesses 59 percent said they wanted to improve their weaknesses and 41 percent wanted to grow their strengths.  These results were particularly dismaying to Buckingham as he believes that we should celebrate our natural talents instead of striving to be equally able in every area of life.  After all, if we all had an equal level of ability for everything how do we stand out among the crowd?  When we come to terms that we are better at certain things and then continue to hone our skills in those areas we create an individual brand in ourselves.  One major business strategy for success is to find a niche for yourself.  Why?  Because if you establish yourself as an expert in a field you are strong in people will seek you out for help in that particular area.  When we see a freckle on our arm that doesn't look right do we go to a General Practitioner or a Dermatologist?  Most of you will probably say Dermatologist because we want someone who specializes in our area of concern.  So back to my point about enhancing your strengths- doing this allows you to put yourself in a niche.  Also, much of what we are strong in (for the most part) is also enjoyable for us to do.  So instead of suffering through learning or improving skills that you just may never master, why not engage in what we feel masterful, confident and excited about doing?  Not sure about what your strengths really are?  Well for the next several days write down all the different activities that you do and then split them into what you enjoy and what you do not.  From the enjoyment side, breakdown each activity and find what skills, knowledge and talents are associate to the task.  This will help you gain an understanding of your strengths.  From there, work on incorporating more of these types of processes into your life.  This will allow you to begin growing your strengths and be on your way to becoming your own "boutique" brand.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Today's fare is on the light side....Would you rather strengthen your strengths or improve your weaknesses?  Entree to follow tomorrow.  Happy Sunday!

Instant Growth

Today an old rap song came on the radio which I love and have not heard in a while; I Wish I Were Taller by Skee-Lo; it got me thinking about growth.  While I can't give a secret remedy as to how to physically shoot up a few inches, I can give a prescription for mental growth everyday.  Growth is stretching farther than what is within your comfort zone.  It is about expansion some capacity of yourself and giving yourself more of something.  So it is totally possible to grow yourself everyday.  It doesn't have to be anything major either; just learning a new fact is growth because you've expanded your mind.  The point is to keep improving yourself every single day.  Each week go for a range of growth, so on some days keep it small and other days really push your limits into a new place.  Remember new doesn't necessarily mean wonderfully amazing, but it does mean that you're going places, gaining knowledge and working toward an improved you.    

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Often when we feel overwhelmed by things we have to do we complain.  This complaining does not help us accomplish those tasks but instead keeps us from doing them because we are too busy complaining to actually get things done.  So if you stop complaining you'll free up extra time toward getting "x" done; as an added bonus once the tasks are done you won't have to complain about them any longer and will probably lift your mood (and stop annoying those around you.)  Happy Brunching...now get something done!

Shake and Bake

Do you remember the shake and bake commercials?  I do and that chicken always looked yummy, but today I've adapted a bread crumbs brand into my own motto for a more exciting life.  Today's weather in New York was really incredible.  At over 60 degrees in mid February, today was a dream and just what we've all been needing after braving the bitter cold for way to long.  This change in weather seemed to really affect everyone's personality and behavior.  People were very talkative about the subject and cheerful to boot.  I found myself more energized and able to do my every day tasks with greater enthusiasm.  My sister, a regular on the subway to and from work, called me at the end of the day and said she was walking back to Penn Station because "how could I not on a day like today."  She was far more pleasant at the end of today than I've seen her in a while.  Now I'll stop right here and say I'm not only suggesting a change in the weather can help shake up our mood; rather any positive change in our daily routines can help us have a more productive/enjoyable/fun day.  Routines become well just too routine and can take an enjoyable situation to bland and a bland situation to downright horrible.  If we simplify this even more, think of your favorite food.  Now I've been asked many times if I had to take one food to an island forever what would it be?  I find myself giving the same answer of sushi and frozen yogurt- yes that's not one food, it's two.  Why?  Well as much as I love both of those items I cannot imagine just having one of them for the rest of my life.  Even something I consider a favorite I cannot 100% commit myself to if there is no variety involved.  When it comes to the idea of shaking up your routine to get a better result or feeling from a situation, what's great is that we can fully take charge of the "shaking."  In speaking to countless people about their careers I've found that those who really love their jobs always mention that two days are never alike.  Have a clerical desk job with the same day to day tasks?  Change up the order you complete the tasks in or the chair you sit in, or buy brightly color pens/highlighers/post-its or even just changing the back ground of your computer can make such a difference.  For any type of relationship variety becomes so important as time goes on.  In that case doing new activities or changing up any routine you have going will add the element of novelty back which can reignite the fun spark.  Even for doing simple house work, putting on new music in the background or adding an extra element to the routine can certainly decrease the dull factor.  So shake up what you're doing and been doing and enjoy the revamped routine.

Your Own Valentines Day Success Story

Today is valentines day, and there's quite a bit of talk about it- you know what I'm referring to, and most of the discussion isn't on the positive side.  I've had a variety of valentines day experiences from classically mushy to bizarre to lonely to indifferent but this year I've figured out the secret to a successful valentines day.  One of the many amazing techniques NLP focuses on is called anchoring.  Simply put anchoring is when a certain stimulus causes a certain human behavioral/emotional reaction.  Anchoring can occur both accidentally and purposefully.  My favorite accidental example of anchoring was my aversion to cherries for 17 years up until last year.  When I was young I would get horrible ear infections.  I remember being out to dinner with my family and ordering a piece of cherry pie from my favorite restaurant.  At the very moment I ate the first bite of pie, I felt the awful beating in my ear meaning that I was getting an ear infection- from that day till just last year I refused to eat cherries.  Logically the cherries did not cause the ear infection but they were just the stimulus that happened to be in the picture the moment my ear infection started so I anchored myself in a cherry aversion, accidentally of course.  Purposeful anchoring happens when you impose a certain emotion on yourself and associate it with a certain trigger so that you can feel that emotion almost on command.  In my NLP training I learned how to enable my clients to feel any emotion they desire on command and in addition I can also do this to myself.  So how does this all tie into Valentines day?   Well it seems like everyone relies on another person to make or break their valentines day experience.  If you have the picture perfect valentines day then you're on cloud nine; if you're expectations aren't met in whatever capacity then it's a disappointing/lonely/miserable day.  If you're comparing it to last year or your best year or your worst year then who knows how great or awful you're feeling.  This emotional roller coaster that valentines day is associated with sounds about as appetizing as a the gelatin at the bottom of the gefilte fish jar- so let's change or anchor valentines day as a positive experience forever.  I just put together my facebook page for Beth Smolen Life Coaching on Saturday.  I could have launched it that day but I decided to wait until today to do it.  Why?  Because launching it is a big deal for me; it makes me really proud/happy/ excited for myself.  So why not do something wonderful for myself on Valentines day so I get whatever fabulous feeling the hallmark cards suggest I get?  Now for the next year and perhaps forever, Valentines day will be marked in my mind as the day I put my professional self in the public eye on facebook and that's something for me to smile about.  I've created that positive association with the holiday on my own; and perhaps I'll have other people doing special things for me on this day, but either way I created my own Valentines day success story.  You can make V-day enjoyable as well by doing something great for yourself too.  So your happiness on February 14th no longer lies in anyone else's hands; knowing exactly what will make you happy and doing it for you will ensure an amazing from here on in.  Happy Valentines Day...please help make my day a little better by clicking the like button on my facebook page below. Beth Smolen Life Coaching

Beating the Post Vacation Blues

Sorry this post is coming so late!  Last week I returned home (NY) from San Diego....rather I returned from a consistently sunny, dry 74 degrees daily to a frozen over 24 degree Artic conditions zone.  While I was away, my friends and family said "not to come back" all in a joking fashion, but I knew that I was headed for disappointment when I boarded my plane back to New York.  Now I absolutely love NY; I don't think I can see myself living anywhere else.  I've done my fair share of traveling and visited some great places, but overall none compare to my NY and I've accepted this.  But, was coming home from "happiness" weather to "gloomy" weather difficult for me?  Absolutely.  I call this "post vacation blues."  I know most if not all of you are familiar with this feeling.  Think about how much you want to escape everything just days before you are about to go away.  Now when you finally return from that trip, chances are getting back into the daily grind will be substantially more difficult (and perhaps depressing) than before you left.  If you've had the vacation from hell, returning home will be joyous, but for the rest of us it can be plain difficult to resume normal life.  So how do we combat this?  Well if you love your home like I do, or at the very least find some aspects enjoyable (and being that you live there I'm sure there are elements you love) then returning back means rediscovering or reminding yourself why you've chosen to live in this location.  This means go to your favorite restaurant or get your favorite take-out.  Get together with friends for a fun night out.  Do the activities you enjoy the most ie visit a museum, sporting event or go to your favorite store for some retail therapy.  The point is, reunite yourself with all the aspects of home that make it amazing; remind yourself of all the joy that is there.  Wallowing in sadness and constantly reminding yourself of how much better your life was a week ago while you were away will only further depress you.  Unless you've returned home from Mykonos, Acapulco or Paris to collect your belongings for relocation,  the end of a trip is just that (it's not the end of your life).  So take your vacation, enjoy yourself and then fall in love with where you live.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Hi everyone!  So having come back from sunny, warm, dry California to literally frozen over New York has been quite a change.  It's crazy how weather affects the way you feel about life and day to day activities.  The term "post vacation depression" is pretty familiar now a days, especially when people from colder climates return from their tropical vacations.  How do you combat the after vacation blues?

Reward Yourself

There's never a reason to put off getting what you want.  Need a little push? A little framework for starting?  Click the link and make it happen! Get What You Want Now! e-workbook

A REAL Fresh Start

How many times have you decided that you were going to get "a fresh start" with X thing.  Maybe its a career, relationship, diet, lifestyle etc., but regardless of whatever it is there is something compelling you to start over.  You're feeling psyched, motivated and ready to take on the world.  Then something odd happens where one day you realize that you are in the exact same (or very similar) situation that you've already experienced.  How did this happen?  How did I wind up here again?  What happened to my whole "fresh start" approach?  You suddenly feel like Lindsay Lohan on her third failed attempt at sobriety after half a year in rehab.  (Please note I am not bashing Lindsay, she just serves as a great illustration of my point.  In fact Lindsay I'd like to thank you for helping clarify this point to my readers so accurately.)  Anyhow, so now it turns out that this fresh start was really just you repeating the same scenario.  Maybe there were a few new parts of the situation, but overall it's the same.  So was this really a fresh start?  Fresh indicates new, untested, not yet experienced or tried methods, strategies or paths you would take when dealing with a situation.  If you said you were going to get a fresh start with dating but ended up dating the same person as your previous relationship (with a different face or perhaps it was even the exact same person!) then clearly there's no fresh start there.  You were getting a fresh start in the job hunt, but as it turns out you applied the same methods to applying to positions as you had last time around- then no fresh start there either.  You were going to get a fresh start with dieting, but did the same diet and exercise plan then of course you did not get a fresh start.  A fresh start means you are taking a new approach or initiative to a situation; just because you let time go by does not mean anything is fresh (except the date on which you began to repeat these behaviors.)  So when you're on this whole fresh start kick make sure you are actually doing something "fresh," "new," or "different."  You'll be quite  thrilled to get rid of the "deja vu" feeling and surprised at the results you'll see.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Blogging live from sunny San Diego, I'd like to put two questions out to the readers (and please respond!) as today's brunch entree:

What does a fresh start mean to you?

and for dessert:

Have you ever thought that you "fresh" on some endeavor only to find yourself in deja vu?

Tomorrow I'll follow up with a post on these topics...happy brunching!

Be Clear with Fear

So as most of you know I'm currently in San Diego getting my NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) licensing.  I've just completed day 4 and I am so flooded with amazing new information/techniques to use in my coaching; it's really exciting.  All the different workshop possibilities this course will allow me to do are going to be great, but I digress.... So this trip involved me flying out to California alone and staying here for 12 days.  I don't know anyone out here and I've never been here before.  I've also never travelled by myself.  Aside from the fact that this licensing is ultra important to me, the actual conditions surrounding the trip were really scary.  I like being around people, especially when I'm traveling.  The whole idea of being alone for 12 days was really frightening me.  Not to mention everyone acknowledged that while it was a really brave move on my part and that I'd love California (which so far I'm enjoying) it was a long while to be gone by myself.  These remarks didn't do too much to help me feel better about the situation.  I have to give an honorable mention to my mother (who I love the most of anyone) with her constant "Beth you don't have to go" or "cancel the trip, I'm afraid for you,"  I just wasn't finding too much reassurance anywhere.  But January 21st came, and although my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, I almost cried, I nearly lost the keys that unlock my luggage in the back seat of the cab to the airport, and finally the airline tried to tell me that I had already boarded the plane when I arrived at the gate (which I took to be the last obstacle from getting me to California aside from a plane crash) I successfully made it to California.  I could not be happier to be here.  This experience is changing me in so many ways.  Professionally I am gaining some amazing tools that will better my work; but personally this trip is making me a new person.  Why?  Well I've essentially dealt with a huge fear (traveling alone) and conquered that.  I could have easily backed out of going on the trip.  I could have found a different NLP course located in New York.  I didn't do this though because I knew the quality of the education would not be as superb.  So I acknowledged that I was afraid of the situation, but I did not let that stop me.  What's my message here?  Being afraid is perfectly fine, but being paralyzed by your fear is not.  Life is full of unknowns.  Even things/situations/people who we have come to become comfortable with may change at any given moment and then we have to re-adapt.  Human nature lends itself toward a desire for consistency.  Change/the unknown are undoubtedly scary.  But how many times have you tried something new and it hasn't killed you?  Often, we build these unknown situations up in our minds to be much worse than they are.  Having been away now for a few days on my own, I am doing just fine.  When I plan my next trip it will probably be with another person; however traveling solo is something that I now know I am capable of.  I've conquered this fear.  I've won.  Don't let fear stop you from doing/leading a life that you want.  No matter how scary, unless a situation is placing you in true mortal danger (in which case I do recommend reevaluating) be confident that you can beat fear.  Remember that what lies beyond that fear will enhance your life in some way.  And I'd like to reiterate that everything happens for a reason.  So if you've found yourself in a place where change is occurring or a new situation presents unknowns that scare you, acknowledge the fear, muster up some courage and press on.  When it comes to fear, winning is the only option; losing is for losers.

A Tribute to Erin Veltman

I am truly lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people; I know I constantly bring this up.  I’m not much of a bragger about any other aspect of my life, but my family and friends are just great.  One standout woman who I’m making this post a tribute to is Erin Veltman.  I really don’t know where to begin.  I guess I can start with strength.  Her strength is quite unlike anyone else’s I’ve ever known.  She makes the seemingly impossible look pretty easy.  At her young age having conquered more obstacles than most of us, her strength is just incredible.  Not to mention her perseverance.  She has always taken opportunities to engage in a challenge or go the extra mile.  The tasks are never easy and neither is the work she has to put in to get the desired results.  But those results appear.  Her resourcesfull nature is undoubtedly a huge part of her success.  I can recall discussions between her and I where a certain situation was presenting more of an obstacle than anticipated.  Brainstorming with her is amazing because she’s ready to step outside of the box, go beyond the normal means, but also stays in the realm of realistic.  Her ability at this is a true art.  While much of this tribute has lent itself to the professional side of Erin, as a friend she is unmatched.  I’m in the process of trying to pursuede Merriam- Webster to put her face next to loyal in the dictionary.  When Erin labels herself as your friend, you have someone you can always count on.  While she and I have been separated by state lines on and off for the past few years, the distance hasn’t seemed to affect her loyalty.  I know that when I need her she will be there.  That reassuring support makes me a stronger person.  I know her other friends feel this way about her too; her friendship is invaluable to anyone lucky enough to receive it.  Watching and knowing Erin for all these years has given me a standard to measure greatness against.  Everything about her is an inspiration; she is a true heroine.  Seeing her achievements has given me hope, confidence and a framework as to how I can make myself great.  Maybe it’s selfish that I get all these amazing perks from having Erin as an integral part of my life, but I’d like to just think I’m really lucky….really lucky to be blessed with Erin.

Last night I arrived in San Diego to begin my NLP certifcation.  I will be doing posts about my experience here which is different from the normal theme of my posts, but not to worry positivity will continue in theme.  Erin was pretty much the reason that I’ve found myself in sunny California this morning about to do something that will enhance my life immensely.  Thank you my dear, I love you so much!

It Is What It Is

"It is what it is" has come to be a common statement in today's lingo.  As dull, honest and direct the statement it...well, it is what it is.  So what does this mean and how can we make this a little better for ourselves?  Essentially the statement means that a situation is sometimes unable to be significantly changed for the better.  So unfortunately you may find yourself stuck with undesirable circumstances.  But don't cry out in despair yet, because there are a few things that can be done to add some levity (and perhaps relief) to your situation:
1. stop reinforcing that your situation is bad; this will only make things seem worse
2. find anything recently positive you experienced and remind yourself of that; it can be as simple as saying wow my cup of coffee this morning was extra good
3. create something good in the situation for yourself; anything goes here, even making up an immature joke in your head about something going on around you

It is what it is forces you to accept the situation you are currently in; however it does not mean that something (even something small) can be done to better your mood.  So take a little action, dig up a little positive energy and end your day laughing at "it is what it is."

Sunday Brunch for Thought

For the most part when we recall the details of our day to someone we focus on the negative points.  Someone cut you off, your boss yelled at you, a series of 12 paper cuts on the same finger etc.  What if instead you focus on the good points of your day.  Revolutionary.  At the end of your day think (or talk) about everything good that occured.  Instead of wallowing in your frustration, embrace some happiness/gratefulness.  Realizing that good things are happening to you on a daily basis is a certain way of adding positivity to your life.

It's Meant to Be

Just recently I heard the sweetest story about two Argentinian guys who were best friends in their younger years. In third grade though, one of them moved to Israel with his family.  At that time cell phones and computers were not used as they are today so they lost touch.  Then in high school it happened that the other boy also moved with his family to the same area in Israel that his best friend had moved to years before.  The two reunited as they found each other in a freshman homeroom class; they have been inseparable ever since.  Then there's the story of my favorite married couple/ two of my best friends Jonathan and Michele Silverman.  Meeting in the sandbox at the age of three was the beginning for these two.  They went on to be each others first boy/girlfriend.  After a high school romance they broke up and dated other people.  Through the college years they remained in touch, drifting in and out of each others lives from time to time.  Then just before they turned 30 they reunited romantically, having realized that after searching far and wide there was no better match out there.  I have so many other stories that I could share, but my point is pretty clear here- some things are just meant to be.  The idea of fate can be scary to a lot of us.  Do we really not have any control of the outcome of our lives?  While I wouldn't go that far, there is certainly a lesson that can be taken from this idea of "meant to be."  Sometimes we find ourselves wanting something, someone or some sort of outcome to occur in our lives.  We want that thing so badly that we use a significant amount of effort (basically way too much) to try to attain what we want.  With the idea of "meant to be" in mind, we can save ourselves a tremendous amount of unsuccessful effort.  Yes life requires effort.  No, you cannot lie in your bed and expect fate to take you through life.  However, if you find yourself using an unnatural amount of force to try and achieve something, perhaps it is just not supposed to happen for you.  This is a certainly a difficult idea to accept; but if you also take into account that life is not supposed to be painstakingly hard it makes sense.  If you are meant to go down a certain path or be with a certain person, chances are that  you will find yourself in that place without going through a war to get there.  Living life is a combination of making something of everyday and allowing things to fall into place as they should.

Millionaire Matchmaker Shout-Out

"But there's one thing I know for sure, if it feels wrong, don't do it."- Patti Stanger

Sunday Brunch for Thought

This bit of brilliance was inspired by a conversation I had an hour ago.  We have to face it- people are annoying.  They get on your nerves.  You may often want to run away from them.  You may also wonder how they can behave in such an irritating fashion.  Well guess what?  You're a person too.  You are probably guilty of this annoying behavior.  So cut your fellow annoying human being some slack.  You probably got on someone's nerves at one point this past week as well.  Enjoy :)

So What's Your Plan?

It's 5 days into the new year.  In my last post I discussed your new years resolutions and how to attach more weight to them so that failure seems worse than normal.  Now the next and perhaps more important question must be addressed- how will you ensure that you don't fail?  You need a plan!  Not just any plan- a plan that you can actually execute and commit to.  A plan that keeps you motivated.  A plan that holds you accountable.  A plan that pushes you to achieve; but doesn't place unreasonable expectations on what can be achieved in a given time frame.  Your plan is essential to success.  I've mentioned in posts before that having yourself as the sole participant in your plan is risky.  When there is no one to answer to but yourself, cutting some extra slack or just slacking off in general is rather easy and likely.  Did you ever notice that taking a class at the gym is much more motivating than when you work out on your own?  As humans competition is a natural part of our behavior.  So during a spin class seeing other humans around you sticking with the steep hill climb is what will keep you going; no one wants to feel like less of a competitor.  So grab a workout buddy, or if you know another person trying to lose weight for the new year, partner up!  If you're looking to read more, join a book club. Have a family member or mentor hold you accountable for your plan.  Or seek the help of a life coach if you want an independent party to organize, motivate and push you toward your success.  When there's another force involved in helping create your success, your probability of achievement increases.  Don't sell yourself short- create a solid plan.  Realizing your resolutions is much easier than you think.  Strategize and succeed.

Your Most Important New Years Resolution

Happy New Year! 2011 has just begun and is filled with endless possibilities.  Most of you have probably come up with a few resolutions for this year; and being that 2011 has just started, your enthusiasm to achieve is high.  However, as most of us know, our dedication to these resolutions diminishes, often within the first few weeks of the new year.  Why?  Well many of us have forgotten to make the most important resolution of all- Resolve to accomplish your resolutions.  Though seemingly redundant, this technique will actually help increase the chance that your set of 2011 "to do's" get done.  Why?  Well for starters, not only do you have the particular goal to accomplish, but you have the goal of accomplishing your goal in the mix.  I'll illustrate through the classic example of weight loss.  You want to lose 15 lbs by spring.  So there's goal #1.  Now, since you also vowed to accomplish all your goals, the act of accomplishing is a resolution itself.  So, 15 lbs lighter, not only did you lose weight, but you also achieved in general- that's two accomplishments.  If you fail to lose the weight, and then fail your goal as a whole, well my friend thats two failures.  For those of us who do not accept failure, attaching extra weight to failure can push us toward success more easily.  Another way to think of it, is that achieving, and achieving the goal is a double win; the opposite is a double lose.  Do you really want to be a bigger loser?  Hopefully not, so make losing a little more painful by resolving to resolve.  Making accomplishment  its own resolution will require you to strategize how you will achieve each individual resolution.  When a plan or course is mapped out for success, executing and succeeding becomes much more likely.  So for today's Sunday Brunch for Thought, think about and plan how you will achieve each resolution; then make achievement your umbrella resolution.  A mindset for success is the key ingredient for winning.