The Strong Should Get Stronger

Yesterday's Sunday Brunch for Thought asked you to think about if you'd rather make your strengths stronger or improve your weaknesses.  Right now I'm reading "Go Put Your Strengths to Work" by Marcus Buckingham.  One of the main points Buckingham makes is that we should accept that we have some natural given talents and also areas which we are weak in.  He suggests that we simply focus in on growing our strengths to their greatest capacity; trying to improve what we have difficulty with will not bring such dramatic results.  Besides, we are human and cannot expect to be perfect in every aspect of life. When Buckingham polled people as to if they'd rather strengthen their strengths or improve their weaknesses 59 percent said they wanted to improve their weaknesses and 41 percent wanted to grow their strengths.  These results were particularly dismaying to Buckingham as he believes that we should celebrate our natural talents instead of striving to be equally able in every area of life.  After all, if we all had an equal level of ability for everything how do we stand out among the crowd?  When we come to terms that we are better at certain things and then continue to hone our skills in those areas we create an individual brand in ourselves.  One major business strategy for success is to find a niche for yourself.  Why?  Because if you establish yourself as an expert in a field you are strong in people will seek you out for help in that particular area.  When we see a freckle on our arm that doesn't look right do we go to a General Practitioner or a Dermatologist?  Most of you will probably say Dermatologist because we want someone who specializes in our area of concern.  So back to my point about enhancing your strengths- doing this allows you to put yourself in a niche.  Also, much of what we are strong in (for the most part) is also enjoyable for us to do.  So instead of suffering through learning or improving skills that you just may never master, why not engage in what we feel masterful, confident and excited about doing?  Not sure about what your strengths really are?  Well for the next several days write down all the different activities that you do and then split them into what you enjoy and what you do not.  From the enjoyment side, breakdown each activity and find what skills, knowledge and talents are associate to the task.  This will help you gain an understanding of your strengths.  From there, work on incorporating more of these types of processes into your life.  This will allow you to begin growing your strengths and be on your way to becoming your own "boutique" brand.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Today's fare is on the light side....Would you rather strengthen your strengths or improve your weaknesses?  Entree to follow tomorrow.  Happy Sunday!

Instant Growth

Today an old rap song came on the radio which I love and have not heard in a while; I Wish I Were Taller by Skee-Lo; it got me thinking about growth.  While I can't give a secret remedy as to how to physically shoot up a few inches, I can give a prescription for mental growth everyday.  Growth is stretching farther than what is within your comfort zone.  It is about expansion some capacity of yourself and giving yourself more of something.  So it is totally possible to grow yourself everyday.  It doesn't have to be anything major either; just learning a new fact is growth because you've expanded your mind.  The point is to keep improving yourself every single day.  Each week go for a range of growth, so on some days keep it small and other days really push your limits into a new place.  Remember new doesn't necessarily mean wonderfully amazing, but it does mean that you're going places, gaining knowledge and working toward an improved you.    

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Often when we feel overwhelmed by things we have to do we complain.  This complaining does not help us accomplish those tasks but instead keeps us from doing them because we are too busy complaining to actually get things done.  So if you stop complaining you'll free up extra time toward getting "x" done; as an added bonus once the tasks are done you won't have to complain about them any longer and will probably lift your mood (and stop annoying those around you.)  Happy Brunching...now get something done!

Shake and Bake

Do you remember the shake and bake commercials?  I do and that chicken always looked yummy, but today I've adapted a bread crumbs brand into my own motto for a more exciting life.  Today's weather in New York was really incredible.  At over 60 degrees in mid February, today was a dream and just what we've all been needing after braving the bitter cold for way to long.  This change in weather seemed to really affect everyone's personality and behavior.  People were very talkative about the subject and cheerful to boot.  I found myself more energized and able to do my every day tasks with greater enthusiasm.  My sister, a regular on the subway to and from work, called me at the end of the day and said she was walking back to Penn Station because "how could I not on a day like today."  She was far more pleasant at the end of today than I've seen her in a while.  Now I'll stop right here and say I'm not only suggesting a change in the weather can help shake up our mood; rather any positive change in our daily routines can help us have a more productive/enjoyable/fun day.  Routines become well just too routine and can take an enjoyable situation to bland and a bland situation to downright horrible.  If we simplify this even more, think of your favorite food.  Now I've been asked many times if I had to take one food to an island forever what would it be?  I find myself giving the same answer of sushi and frozen yogurt- yes that's not one food, it's two.  Why?  Well as much as I love both of those items I cannot imagine just having one of them for the rest of my life.  Even something I consider a favorite I cannot 100% commit myself to if there is no variety involved.  When it comes to the idea of shaking up your routine to get a better result or feeling from a situation, what's great is that we can fully take charge of the "shaking."  In speaking to countless people about their careers I've found that those who really love their jobs always mention that two days are never alike.  Have a clerical desk job with the same day to day tasks?  Change up the order you complete the tasks in or the chair you sit in, or buy brightly color pens/highlighers/post-its or even just changing the back ground of your computer can make such a difference.  For any type of relationship variety becomes so important as time goes on.  In that case doing new activities or changing up any routine you have going will add the element of novelty back which can reignite the fun spark.  Even for doing simple house work, putting on new music in the background or adding an extra element to the routine can certainly decrease the dull factor.  So shake up what you're doing and been doing and enjoy the revamped routine.

Your Own Valentines Day Success Story

Today is valentines day, and there's quite a bit of talk about it- you know what I'm referring to, and most of the discussion isn't on the positive side.  I've had a variety of valentines day experiences from classically mushy to bizarre to lonely to indifferent but this year I've figured out the secret to a successful valentines day.  One of the many amazing techniques NLP focuses on is called anchoring.  Simply put anchoring is when a certain stimulus causes a certain human behavioral/emotional reaction.  Anchoring can occur both accidentally and purposefully.  My favorite accidental example of anchoring was my aversion to cherries for 17 years up until last year.  When I was young I would get horrible ear infections.  I remember being out to dinner with my family and ordering a piece of cherry pie from my favorite restaurant.  At the very moment I ate the first bite of pie, I felt the awful beating in my ear meaning that I was getting an ear infection- from that day till just last year I refused to eat cherries.  Logically the cherries did not cause the ear infection but they were just the stimulus that happened to be in the picture the moment my ear infection started so I anchored myself in a cherry aversion, accidentally of course.  Purposeful anchoring happens when you impose a certain emotion on yourself and associate it with a certain trigger so that you can feel that emotion almost on command.  In my NLP training I learned how to enable my clients to feel any emotion they desire on command and in addition I can also do this to myself.  So how does this all tie into Valentines day?   Well it seems like everyone relies on another person to make or break their valentines day experience.  If you have the picture perfect valentines day then you're on cloud nine; if you're expectations aren't met in whatever capacity then it's a disappointing/lonely/miserable day.  If you're comparing it to last year or your best year or your worst year then who knows how great or awful you're feeling.  This emotional roller coaster that valentines day is associated with sounds about as appetizing as a the gelatin at the bottom of the gefilte fish jar- so let's change or anchor valentines day as a positive experience forever.  I just put together my facebook page for Beth Smolen Life Coaching on Saturday.  I could have launched it that day but I decided to wait until today to do it.  Why?  Because launching it is a big deal for me; it makes me really proud/happy/ excited for myself.  So why not do something wonderful for myself on Valentines day so I get whatever fabulous feeling the hallmark cards suggest I get?  Now for the next year and perhaps forever, Valentines day will be marked in my mind as the day I put my professional self in the public eye on facebook and that's something for me to smile about.  I've created that positive association with the holiday on my own; and perhaps I'll have other people doing special things for me on this day, but either way I created my own Valentines day success story.  You can make V-day enjoyable as well by doing something great for yourself too.  So your happiness on February 14th no longer lies in anyone else's hands; knowing exactly what will make you happy and doing it for you will ensure an amazing from here on in.  Happy Valentines Day...please help make my day a little better by clicking the like button on my facebook page below. Beth Smolen Life Coaching

Beating the Post Vacation Blues

Sorry this post is coming so late!  Last week I returned home (NY) from San Diego....rather I returned from a consistently sunny, dry 74 degrees daily to a frozen over 24 degree Artic conditions zone.  While I was away, my friends and family said "not to come back" all in a joking fashion, but I knew that I was headed for disappointment when I boarded my plane back to New York.  Now I absolutely love NY; I don't think I can see myself living anywhere else.  I've done my fair share of traveling and visited some great places, but overall none compare to my NY and I've accepted this.  But, was coming home from "happiness" weather to "gloomy" weather difficult for me?  Absolutely.  I call this "post vacation blues."  I know most if not all of you are familiar with this feeling.  Think about how much you want to escape everything just days before you are about to go away.  Now when you finally return from that trip, chances are getting back into the daily grind will be substantially more difficult (and perhaps depressing) than before you left.  If you've had the vacation from hell, returning home will be joyous, but for the rest of us it can be plain difficult to resume normal life.  So how do we combat this?  Well if you love your home like I do, or at the very least find some aspects enjoyable (and being that you live there I'm sure there are elements you love) then returning back means rediscovering or reminding yourself why you've chosen to live in this location.  This means go to your favorite restaurant or get your favorite take-out.  Get together with friends for a fun night out.  Do the activities you enjoy the most ie visit a museum, sporting event or go to your favorite store for some retail therapy.  The point is, reunite yourself with all the aspects of home that make it amazing; remind yourself of all the joy that is there.  Wallowing in sadness and constantly reminding yourself of how much better your life was a week ago while you were away will only further depress you.  Unless you've returned home from Mykonos, Acapulco or Paris to collect your belongings for relocation,  the end of a trip is just that (it's not the end of your life).  So take your vacation, enjoy yourself and then fall in love with where you live.

Sunday Brunch for Thought

Hi everyone!  So having come back from sunny, warm, dry California to literally frozen over New York has been quite a change.  It's crazy how weather affects the way you feel about life and day to day activities.  The term "post vacation depression" is pretty familiar now a days, especially when people from colder climates return from their tropical vacations.  How do you combat the after vacation blues?

Reward Yourself

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A REAL Fresh Start

How many times have you decided that you were going to get "a fresh start" with X thing.  Maybe its a career, relationship, diet, lifestyle etc., but regardless of whatever it is there is something compelling you to start over.  You're feeling psyched, motivated and ready to take on the world.  Then something odd happens where one day you realize that you are in the exact same (or very similar) situation that you've already experienced.  How did this happen?  How did I wind up here again?  What happened to my whole "fresh start" approach?  You suddenly feel like Lindsay Lohan on her third failed attempt at sobriety after half a year in rehab.  (Please note I am not bashing Lindsay, she just serves as a great illustration of my point.  In fact Lindsay I'd like to thank you for helping clarify this point to my readers so accurately.)  Anyhow, so now it turns out that this fresh start was really just you repeating the same scenario.  Maybe there were a few new parts of the situation, but overall it's the same.  So was this really a fresh start?  Fresh indicates new, untested, not yet experienced or tried methods, strategies or paths you would take when dealing with a situation.  If you said you were going to get a fresh start with dating but ended up dating the same person as your previous relationship (with a different face or perhaps it was even the exact same person!) then clearly there's no fresh start there.  You were getting a fresh start in the job hunt, but as it turns out you applied the same methods to applying to positions as you had last time around- then no fresh start there either.  You were going to get a fresh start with dieting, but did the same diet and exercise plan then of course you did not get a fresh start.  A fresh start means you are taking a new approach or initiative to a situation; just because you let time go by does not mean anything is fresh (except the date on which you began to repeat these behaviors.)  So when you're on this whole fresh start kick make sure you are actually doing something "fresh," "new," or "different."  You'll be quite  thrilled to get rid of the "deja vu" feeling and surprised at the results you'll see.